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Wed, 2010-12-08 10:24

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Categories: The Local Blogosphere

There’s witchcraft in them there Carterton halls.

Fri, 2010-10-08 10:28

Wairarapa appears to be a hotbed of paganism (strange, I seem to have been left off their invite list to this years midnight Satanic orgy?) and the sleepy town of Carterton is the vortex for this shameless devil-worship.

This coven of devil-worshippers was exposed when the towns-library was temporarily housed in the local Masonic Lodge.

As every good Christian knows those goat-molesting Freemasons are in league with Beelzebub and Reverend John Cromarty from St David’s Church in Carterton wants the mayor to close the temporary library being run out of the lodge – least it corrupts the population.

In his letter to the town mayor Cromarty spells-out the evils of Freemasonry and the potential dangers of being exposed to its dark-craft.

"Freemasonry, while it does good works in the community, is based upon the worship of pagan gods,"

“While it portrays a facade as being compatible to Christianity in its teaching, it has its foundation rooted in witchcraft and pre-Christian teachings and practice."

The reply from Cartertons mayor, Gary McPhee, to Reverend Cromarty’s complaints could have been penned by yours-truly, given its acerbic nature.

McPhee told Cromarty in his open reply he was "stuck in the wrong century" and "We are now in the 21st century but clearly some people didn't move along with us."

Looking at the retard in the photo above (check-out the jutting jaw and small cranium) – I have to agree with McPhee’s line of reasoning on this one, but he appears to have let diplomacy get the better of his vitriol.

After closer examination of Reverend John ‘Missing-Link’ Cromarty’s photo, I would place that period of time closer-to 400,000 years ago when Homo Neanderthalensis roamed the planet, rather than mere centuries.

Categories: The Local Blogosphere

Would the real DM please stand-up

Wed, 2010-10-06 13:21

This is ‘the’ legendary DM (a.k.a David Marbus) the author of such gems as the one below, which appear with annoying regularity in the comments section of atheist blogs through-out the world, including mine:

add comment moderation to your BS you will not have a PUBLIC FORUM NEW GAME WITH YOU LITTLE F*CKERS - SPEAK N DIE. Come see the latest DM videos for your viewing pleasure! the WORLD TRADE CENTER PROPHECY - THE DANCE OF DEATH _______________ And the Pope is 100% correct: The Nazis and the atheists both wish to ABOLISH FAITH.... ________________________ hawking is WRONG science cannot explain NOTHING! FAIR AND BALANCED! ________________

If that wasn’t enough indication DM is a looney-tune extraordinaire, take-a-look at another one of his delusional rants, I recently deleted:

the only crap you will ever need from this so-called "philosopher" called massimo pigliucci "The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it." JOHN THE REVELATOR! FAIR AND BALANCED! KING OF TERROR add comment moderation to your BS or more people will die with you... NO GODS AND NO POLITICS WITH THESE LITTLE IDIOTS! plush safe he think but with recent revelations about James Randi, I think he likes DICKS! THE SECOND COMING! THE END OF ATHEISM FOLLOW THE WHITE RABBIT... THE B**BQUAKE - 911

David Marbus turns-out to be a Canadian called Dennis Markuze and he’s a lot younger than I expected.

But then again I should have guessed he was closer to 30 than 50 when I had in front of me the stunning truth that Nostradamus predicted the formation of the group Depeche Mode and that somehow in-turn lead to September 11th.

If you ask me his jacket is more Spandau Ballet than Depeche Mode and the later have penned more than fair share of atheist anthems as it happens – not that DM is aware of much happening in the real world outside his Montreal bedroom.

Markuze also seems to like the Japanese horror-film ‘The Ring’ from other rants I’ve seen over the years – hardly suprising since I don’t think he gets out much of his parents house, except to fill-up his prescription.

Basically ‘the tough-guy’ DM turns-out to be a sniveling creep.

This song is for you DM.

Categories: The Local Blogosphere

The time for popes to show their magic is when they are alive – not dead.

Mon, 2010-10-04 12:41
Part of the all-but automatic beatification process of a pope and the road to his sainthood, is evidence of a credible miracle.

To gain sainthood a pope must show they are in-effect a kind of middleman ‘lightening rod’ on earth for their god called Yahweh.

Invariably this anecdotal evidence when provided is flimsy at best, and placed-on the-table long after their deaths.

No one seems to care that when someone is alive they are never able to display their magic-tricks and never, but never, in an open-public forum or say under scientific scrutiny.

If the current pope is to show us the power of god channeled through his form – why not stump-up with the goods right now rather than later when he is dead and buried?

Why doesn’t The Catholic Church show us Benedict is literally ‘gods emissary’ by showing-us now, rather than decades later, his miracle, so we can examine it in the harsh light of day?

The time for Benedict to show us his magic, say regeneration of a severed limb, is now - but there sweat FA chance of that happening.

That would lead the entire public and scientific community playing the devils advocate.

Categories: The Local Blogosphere

Burning books is a long-held Religious Tradition

Mon, 2010-09-27 07:44
The images and act of book-burning is etched in our psyches as being a formative part of National Socialist Germany - when copies of anything from Albert Einstein, Sigmund Freud to H.G Wells went-up in flames.

Yet, the sordid history of book burning pre-dates 1930’s Germany by centuries and still goes-on all too frequently even today.

Catholics in particular love nothing better than to destroy the writings of anyone that upsets their narrow sensibilities.

In their hey-day The Spanish Inquisition relished burning Korans & any other Islamic text they could lay their hands on.

Virtually the entire writings of the Mayan Civilization were destroyed with perverted pleasure by The Catholic Church.

For good measure nearly every Cathar text that could be found by The Catholic Church were also destroyed as well.

This fruit-loop pastor Terry Jones would have to build a bonfire the size of the state of Florida to come close to the Catholic Churches suppression of free-thought and alternative beliefs through-out the ages.

It was only four years ago Catholics in Rome and Manila decided Dan Browns ‘Da Vinci Code’ deserved being BBQed.

Whist doubtlessly top-of-the-pyre for destroying writings that threatened their self-appointed place in the world, The Catholic Church is not alone amongst religious zealotry when it comes to book-burning.

The evil texts of Harry Potter and Superman Comics have gone up in flames lit by evangelists.

In the 1980’s orthodox Jews in Jesuleum incinerated New Testaments by the score.

More copies of Salman Rusdies ‘Satanic Verses’ were probably destroyed than read.

The Taliban also did what the Taliban does best.

God evidently loves a good book burning!

Categories: The Local Blogosphere

Bishop Tamaki’s ‘spiritual’ father turns out to be a raving-homo!

Fri, 2010-09-24 09:27
The fallout-out (or would “blow-out” be a more appropriate term of phrase given the subject matter?) from Bishop Eddie Long rent-a-choir-boy affair has reached New Zealand.

And the stains (of the type not even modern washing-powers will remove) have reached the crocodile shoes of our own self-proclaimed bishop, Brian Tamaki.

Bishop Long, or as his rent-a-choir-boys got to call him ‘Big Ed’, journeyed down-under in 2003 after the year prior Tamaki had made it to Atlanta for some well-earned R&R.

2003 was a spiritual journey at the behest of Tamaki who runs New Zealand’s version of a mega-church, Destiny. Rather than being a double-meat wopper burger like say Longs ‘Birth Ministry’ Destiny would be better termed as one of those crappy small cheese-burgers McDonalds have. Soggy in the middle and with a tacky outer wrapping.

This trip and the ‘connection’ (not in a biblical sense one presumes?) Tamaki had with Long is out-lined in his autobiography. I think it’s in the section just after he admits fathering children out of wedlock?

In the chapter rather appropriately titled, given what now we know happens behind the scenes at The Birth Ministry, “Spiritual Father – a long time coming” Tamaki waxes lyrical over Long and his set-up. In case you get confused that’s the set-up of Longs organisation rather than the ‘set-up’ where he befriends teen boys, lavishes them with gifts and attention – then sodomises them.

"The instant that Bishop Long walked into the room our spirits connected without having said a word”

In the most Freudian of statements possible, Tamaki goes-on to say in his bio:

"I was a little taken aback by his embracing nature and the manner with which he greeted each and every one of us as if we were long lost brothers."

"I was impressed, yet the ease of our connection and the confirmation of a date was entirely in line with Kingdom principle - when God speaks, do it,"

Clearly when Longs felt the urge for “a connection” he didn’t have to look far to “do it.”

Tamaki is apparently going to issue a statement today about ‘Big Ed’ Long in which no doubt he’ll say he’s praying for him and to return the christening gifts.

I’ll be sure to do a follow-up on this.

Categories: The Local Blogosphere

How Science is a force for Good on this planet: Kiwi invents bionic legs!

Fri, 2010-09-24 07:03
Human invention makes real miracles happen.

Categories: The Local Blogosphere

The Vatican Bank: How the Catholic Church helps fund its daily activities with tainted drug-money and Nazi booty

Wed, 2010-09-22 15:05

The outward vestiges of Catholicism’s wealth and immortality is; The Vatican Bank.

The Vatican Bank is not a bank in the same terms that define first-tare global financial institutions, such as the one you and I hold accounts at.

This bank operates at a level that would make an Internet finance company in the Bahamas with a P.O Box for an address, look like The Bank of England.

That is to say The Vatican Bank functions in the global financial under-belly, well outside the controls of normal EU/U.S regulations, governmental controls and more importantly for 'Gods bankers' as far away from ‘the grasp of the law’ as possible.

Those holding an account at The Vatican Bank fall loosely into three categories (a.) Catholic Churches and clergy (b.) Criminals (c.) Tax Evaders.

Which depositor is which, is frankly hard to tell.Over the years many a regulator and media-commentator has wanted to know “who is actually running the bank - it's biggest clients, The Mafia or The Catholic Church itself?

When it comes to symbiotics like The Vatican Church and Italian Mafia, a quick look at historic-record shows the line between both groups is some-what blurred.

The Vatican Bank was formed in the middle of WW2 and made its initial wealth by accepting tainted funds from the deceased bank accounts & riches of Europe’s Jewish population, acquiesced by corrupt regimes - such as the one that gave the Vatican the very statehood it now uses to avoid prosecution and act beyond international law. The relatives of the Holocaust victims are still trying to recover those stolen ‘blood’ monies six decades later.

Money laundering still remains the main ‘money-making’ activity of The Institute for Works of Religion (the banks technical name) to this day. This week we learnt its current head, not for the first time in its sordid history, has just been caught-out by Italian officials for what is by their terms is a paltry 20 million Euros of illegal transactions.

As a financial institution that will take monies ‘no questions asked’ operating with the luxury of having a board which has immunity from prosecution, and no need to open its books to public scrutiny, The Vatican Bank has been and always will be the bank of choice to the criminal underworld as well as your run-of-the-mill despotic regime. Catholic dictators Pinochet's and Noriega knew full-well where to safely place their ill-gotten gains. They left it amongst comrades in faith. Hopefully they got a discounted rate.

Criminal fraternity’s ranging from the local Sicilian mafia, right through to Central & South American drug syndicates, also have accounts with The Vatican Bank, much to the chagrin of global law enforcement who are powerless to seize the profits of their criminal enterprise once it goes into the same vaults which still holds Nazi gold and valuables stolen literally in some cases from the corpses of Holocaust victims.

It is on public-record The Vatican Banks ‘cut’ on the Gambino crime-families drug-money was a straight 50% - so ‘laundering’ is a very profitable business for The Institute for Works of Religion and ultimately the Catholic Church - it’s sole shareholder and benefactor from its secretive venal activities.
If you wanted to 'knock a hole' in the worlds illicit drug trade and organised crime the biggest single-thing any government/policing-organisation could do -would be to dissemble The Vatican Bank.
The Vatican Bank (read: Catholic Church) aids and abets global money laundering on a massive scale and remains an integral part of the multi-billion dollars international drug trade, acts with impunity as a ‘financial life-raft’ for corrupt dictatorships and happily deals with any criminal desperado & tax dodger with money to hide from their respective authorities.

It’s hardly surprising The Vatican Bank gets caught-out now and again given its modus-operandi, scale of corrupt activities, dubious nature of its clientele and total lack of scruples of the people involved – especially its head.
Try picturing RATzinger acting like a crazed ecumenical Scrooge McPope, divested of robes and running naked deep-within the bowels (now there's an appropriate turn of phrase if ever there was one) of the cavernous church vaults. Squealing in proverbial joy as those tainted 'pieces of silver' run through his grubbied fingers and dribbling in anticipation as his favourite choir-boy climbs al naturale up to join-him on-top-of the mountains of illicit loot not even L.Ron Hubbard could place one of his enormous figures on. Becoming erect when he finds a gold-bar embossed with a Nazi swastika amongst the money-mountain.

Categories: The Local Blogosphere

Attn: Theologians Have a go at this!

Wed, 2010-09-22 09:05
This is a You Tube I did one night over a few beers at the end of last year, not one of my better ones, but effective enough.

I wanted to know “What will happen to a soul when we have brain transplants?”

Clearly this day will happen sooner rather than later so this question is more than being merely a hypothetical one.

Sadly no one has even attempted to answer this ponder-able.

Why isn’t there anyone who believes in the concept of a soul that can give me an answer?

I am therefore doubling my efforts to get an answer by re-posting it here in the hope there is a simple answer to what-is a simple question.

So after viewing the video please leave your answers in the comments section.

Categories: The Local Blogosphere

Burglar finds Atheism and avoids Jail

Wed, 2010-09-22 08:34

BURGLAR FINDS ATHEISM AND AVOIDS JAIL (NZ Press Association 22nd Sept 2010)

A burglar who walked into Hamilton police station and confessed his crimes after rejecting religion has avoided a prison term.

Neum Muliaumasealii, 24, was sentenced at Hamilton District Court yesterday to three months community detention and 50 hours community work after admitting burgling four properties, including the home of a friend between 2005 and 2007 , The Waikato Times reported.
Muliaumasealii also admitted to four counts of theft, breaking into cars during an international rugby match to steal car stereos.

The court was that in March he went to the police station to confess his crimes prompted by his "new found lack of religious beliefs" and a desire for a "clean slate".

"It's really your conscience which has led you to appear before the court today," Judge Glen Marshall told Miliaumasealii

He said a prison sentence would normally be an option for his offending but gave him credit for changing his ways.

Now the true headline and report;

BURGLAR FINDS RELIGION AND AVOIDS JAIL (NZ Press Association 22nd Sept 2010)

A burglar who walked into Hamilton police station and confessed his crimes after finding religion has avoided a prison term.

Neum Muliaumasealii, 24, was sentenced at Hamilton District Court yesterday to three months community detention and 50 hours community work after admitting burgling four properties, including the home of a friend between 2005 and 2007 , The Waikato Times reported.
Muliaumasealii also admitted to four counts of theft, breaking into cars during an international rugby match to steal car stereos.

The court was that in March he went to the police station to confess his crimes prompted by his "religious beliefs" and a desire for a "clean slate".
"It's really your conscience which has led you to appear before the court today," Judge Glen Marshall told Miliaumasealii.

He said a prison sentence would normally be an option for his offending but gave him credit for changing his ways.


Categories: The Local Blogosphere

Let’s invent a new Boogeyman to all be scared of.

Tue, 2010-09-21 18:18
Now those evil commies have been put well and truly to rest, we in the Western-world really need to change our focus.

There must be something left underneath our bed that will scare the horses and frighten the kids into doing what we want?

Unite-us in a crusade, in a traditional sense of the term.

That’s it – the rise of Islam!

But let’s face-it Muslims in our midst doesn't scare everyone?

Some people may have Muslims as neighbours, in their kids sporting teams and find-them just like everyone else.

So what else is out there that can scare the crap out of every god-fearing member of society?

That’s it.....Atheists!

Fuck those heathen pricks that gave rise to Hitler and want to destroy the very foundations of our Judeo Christian society.

Let’s make a film to show families what the evils of atheism entail - the end of Christmas for starters.

Footnote: Buckets are provided to all audience members.
Categories: The Local Blogosphere

Attention Kiwi’s: Stop giving World Vision money to spend on Bibles!

Sun, 2010-09-19 08:03
['The Joy of Jesus in Your Life' - World Vision at work in Uganda] “Christian witness is an essential and integral part of the mission of World Vision. Christian witness should never involve the use of pressure or inducement but equally it is unethical and inappropriate to hide that Christian teaching is the underlying motive for all of World Vision’s work”

Would it alarm you to know World Vision only employs Christians or believers in The Old Testament God? Indeed if you sign-on as an employee to World Vision and then, either by the act of apostasy, or simply losing your faith altogether – you are automatically fired. World Vision in effect practices religious discrimination. Atheists are amongst those unwelcome in their ranks.
Would you continue to support World Vision knowing it funds Christian Schools and religious-education programmes and that World Vision and sees the distribution of bibles as being as integral & intrinsic part of their activities as food-aid?
World Vision in-action Bibles for Albanian kids who according to WV’s Magazine “(a country) that struggled to provide spiritual education for young Christians after the fall of communism due to a dearth of learning materials.”
Did you know World Vision is considered by U.S Courts to be, in legal terms: a ‘Religious Corporation?’ and further a religious group first and an aid-group second?
Does it make you uncomfortable knowing the CEO of World Vision has an income twice that of New Zealand’s prime-minister?
World Vision doesn’t like to promote its Christian evangelism here in New Zealand, least it scares away potential supporters, but it is all there on their web site if you care to look in the fine-print:
“We co-operate with local church leadership. This must be appropriate in the context of the programme. The families in these communities are given an opportunity for Christian education appropriate to their own culture but it's their choice to participate”
Now, picture a starving person saying “no thanks” to a Bible lesson when the person undertaking the proselytising is the same-one distributing the food & shelter for you and your family? This isn’t just a captured market – it is one that would worship Spike Milligan if it meant filling their bellies.
World Vision rejects the exploitation tag trying to get the public to believe its own company line that:
“World Vision affirms and defends the right of all Christians and faith-based organisations, including our own staff and World Vision itself, to witness through their lives, words and deeds”
“Accepting Christ must be a free decision based on consideration and judgment”

Starving beggars can in-fact be choosers in World Visions opinion.
World is even more forth-right in letting the public know where a part of their donations are going and also give-us an insight into their DNA make-up:
“Mankind has a spiritual dimension that also needs to be addressed. World Vision works with local partners, including churches, to organise summer camps, religious celebrations, including Christmas and Easter and the distribution of children's study literature on the Bible, church traditions and history, to nurture this dimension. We support local churches as part of the community to help them carry out these activities in the longer term”
So long-after the disaster, well after the village has got on its feet and the population has the ability to feed themselves again - World Vision remains on the ground simply to propagate the teachings of Jesus Christ – using the money secular-suckers gave thinking it was for food, water and housing etc – all teary the stuff that features on the adverts.
In the majority of cases, those that sponsor a child with World Vision are paying for that child to learn about Noah and his Ark and Jonah and The Whale.

World Vision even has enough money from donors to publish its own Christian propaganda for its in-house (re)education programmes.
This book (above) is advertised on World Vision Resources as being ‘designed so leaders can integrate individual parts into a regular Sunday school or Bible class curriculum or use an entire lesson to fill a full class hour’. I mean why bother filling a child’s mind with math’s and science, eh?
Being a multi-national religious corporate with 40,000 employees World Vision even runs the equivalent of its own Travel Department.
Rest easy knowing your monthly donation has gone to help WV workers get a bit of well needed R&R with a travel-package entitled “Leadership of the Holy Land Tour”. Apparently it includes all ‘the’ great Biblical sites. According to none other than “Steve Haas (VP & Chief Catalyst, for World Vision and I’m bemused as you are at the title) The holiday in The Middle East is “An encounter that will stretch and provide you with insights on how to lead your church more effectively. It will also provide a life-line to those of our Christian family that remain in this turbulent region of the world.” Don’t worry if The Middle East isn’t your thing – there's plenty of other tours available to a whole range of countries. Chile appears popular.
In Summary: Whatever you do - don’t give World Vision one cent!
Don’t feel a shred of guilt ignoring their ‘heart-string’ adverts, safe in the knowledge you are not helping prop-up their CEO’s base-salary of NZD 500,000 per annum – plus bonus’s. These bonus’s bump-him-up another NZD 150,000 by the way. How many Child Sponsorships will NZD 650,000 get ya I wonder? Its head in Australia, a Baptist minister, gets a base salary of a cool AUD 250,000 – plus again the obligatory bonus’s. This-is after-all an American religious corporation first, and pays its executives well.
Just as importantly make-sure your child’s school does-not participate in their fashionable money-maker called ’The 40 Hour Famine’. Write to your school board and say it is wrong to raise funds for a multi-national religious corporation that shamelessly discriminates against non-Christians.

Categories: The Local Blogosphere

Who writes Bene-Dicks speeches thesedays? David Irving?

Fri, 2010-09-17 08:46
“Even in our own lifetime, we can recall how Britain and her leaders stood against a Nazi tyranny that wished to eradicate God from society and denied our common humanity to many, especially the Jews, who were thought unfit to live. I also recall the regime's attitude to Christian pastors and religious who spoke the truth in love, opposed the Nazis and paid for that opposition with their lives. As we reflect on the sobering lessons of the atheist extremism of the twentieth century, let us never forget how the exclusion of God, religion and virtue from public life leads ultimately to a truncated vision of man and of society and thus to a "reductive vision of the person and his destiny". [RAT-zingers first propaganda speech on English soil]

Who the fuck is this lying creep RAT-zinger trying to kid, eh?

Fact One: The wartime leader of England, Winston Churchill was an atheist.

Fact Two: The Vatican signed a treaty with Nazi Germany. The reigning pope at the time did at best ‘nothing’ to stop fascism or the murder of Jews.

Fact Three: Both Joseph (as in Goebbels) RAT-zinger and his brother, Georg - also a Catholic priest - were card-carrying Nazi’s and swore allegiance to Adolf Hitler. Georg was injured fighting against the Allies!

Fact Four: According to the last Germany census prior to WW2 less than 5 per cent of the population identified themselves as atheists.

Fact Five: All the European WW2 fascist dictators were Catholic including of course Hitler.

"I am now as before a Catholic and will always remain so" [Adolph Hitler, to General . Gerhard Engel, 1941]

Fact Six: Adolf Hitler believed in God and hated atheists and espoused as much in his manifesto Mein Kampf. Do these words look to you like those of an atheist?

“I believe today that my conduct is in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator”

“We must pray to the Almighty not to refuse His blessing to this change and not to abandon our people in the times to come”

"My feelings as a Christian points me to my Lord and Savior as a fighter. It points me to the man who once in loneliness, surrounded by a few followers, recognized these Jews for what they were and summoned men to fight against them and who, God's truth!”

"This human world of ours would be inconceivable without the practical existence of a religious belief."

“Anyone who dares to lay hands on the highest image of the Lord commits sacrilege against the benevolent creator of this miracle and contributes to the expulsion from paradise."

Fact Seven: The Catholic Church stands tall as the age-old leader in anti-Semitic practices.

Fact Eight: Hitler loved using the term "destiny" as well.

Fact Nine: Even in his own autobiography RAT-zinger himself admitted the early victories Germany experienced in WW2 filled himself and his family with patriotic pride.

Fact Ten: In 1944 RAT-zinger watched Hungarian Jews being loaded into cattle-trucks on their way to be gassed at Auschwitz (Time Magazine Interview 6th December 1993) and did nothing to stop the greatest crime in the history of humanity.

Pope Bene-Dick XVI - you are nothing but a lying piece of shit.

Footnote: more on RAT-zingers dubious war record here
Categories: The Local Blogosphere

4-1-9 Internet Fraudsters generous offer to help Canterbury Earthquake Appeal

Wed, 2010-09-15 08:50

Hello i am glad to know you, but God knows you better and he knows why he has directed me to you at this point in time so do not be afraid, this is a charity proposal from Mrs Ruth Faayu. I apologize if the contents in this mail are contrary to your moral ethics, which i feel may be of great disturbance to your personal life, but please treat with absolute secrecy and personal to the glory of the most High God. I am Mrs Ruth Faayu the wife of late David Faayu whom died, as a victim of the Haiti earthquake on,12 of january 2010. I have some Funds I want you to handle for me in God,s glory. I promise that this project will be carried under a legitimate arrangement that will protect both of us from any breach of the law. If you are interested,Get back for more Information's Thank's Mrs, Ruth Faayu.


Thanks for your email Ruth,

It is pleasing to see that others follow Zeus ‘The Father of All Gods’ – all praise be to him.

Boy are you are in-luck - I also happen to be a moral reprobate!

Basically I fuck anything with two legs and have boozed and gambled away more than I care to think about.

I don’t have a dollar to my name and if I did I would put it on number eight in race six at Addington Raceway on Saturday night.

Thanks-be to Zeus for granting me forgiveness for my failings.

As chance would have it, where I live, Christchurch, recently also experienced an earthquake the same size as Haiti.

This happened just 12 days ago - but thanks to the all-powerful Zeus no one was killed.

I was in bed with a prostitute her mother & their dog when the quake occurred and was saved by diving-under their king-sized bed.

I also got out of the brothel without paying them!

Boy will the dog and the granny be pissed-off after what I made them do.

A true miracle but still there is a lot of damage to property in our region.

Anyway back to your heart-warming Charitable Proposal.

This damage to Christchurch property is estimated to be around 2 Billion U.S Dollars.

The Red Cross here in New Zealand have opened an appeal.

To save using-me as a middle-man here’s their bank account number: ASB account 12-3192-0006848-01.

Giving me your millions would only see them flittered away on hard-liquor, slow horses and prostitutes who specialise in BDSM and have a male dog as a pet.

The reference for your deposit is ‘Canterbury Earthquake Appeal’

Boy will The Red Cross be surprised when a stranger like you donates your $’s to the less-fortunate in our community and they will see me as some sort of a Kiwi hero!

I think it must be Zeus, the God of all Gods, that has bought us together.

I feel I am finally getting my life together thanks to your act of generosity.

This is the impetuous I need in my sorry life to get a proper house of my own, rather than living in a Salvation Army night-shelter.

The spark I need to get back together with my 3 ex-partners and reunite with my 13 children.

Many Many Thanks.

May Zeus look over you and your family.


PS: I’m going to present this exchange to the Judge at my impending fraud trial - as evidence of my good character.

Categories: The Local Blogosphere

Quack Water Salespeople roll into Canterbury

Tue, 2010-09-14 09:23

"Homeopathic medicines may greatly help children, animals and adults feeling frightened and unable to sleep from the Christchurch earthquake" says co-presidents Jem Maber and Susanna Shelton from the New Zealand Council of Homeopaths.

This advice is laughable and can be quickly and conclusively dispelled.

Every parent who's up-with the-play already knows the best-cure at night at times like this is for girls to cuddle a voodoo-doll in bed and boys to play with a shrunken head under the blankets. Important: for this to work make sure it is done in conjunction with bio-magnetic bedding.

A personal ‘pagan’ favourite of mine in angsty situations is to strip naked and bay at the moon as part of its harvest cycle.

Sometimes I find myself getting naked in the back-yard without the moon even being in Virgo.

What self-respecting householder could look past that ‘old wives recipe’ of doping your cup of tea with a liberal dose of whisky? At least there is some efficacy for this treatment. But a word of warning before you start pouring Johnny Walker into the Lipton's – be sure to have your palms read first, just in case there is ‘danger in the future.’ Having your horoscope produced will be equally effective and put you and the families minds-at-rest.

Another ancient tried and true stress treatment, available at any decent herbalist, is a mixture of St Johns Wort, peppermint, willow bark and chamomile. Boil it-up and then make it into a tea in which you pour five nips of whisky. It’s also great for your prostrate as well, warding-off the flu and the later stages of AIDS.

Having your crystal necklace re-calibrated can also work wonders as a stress reliever. What's more crystals also look cool and go well with tribal tattoos. It'll be sure to be a conversation starter at the next Green Party meeting.

I really wish the media would start reporting this important scientific stuff so the public is better informed.

Categories: The Local Blogosphere

Surely a Doctorate in Zombies is worth more than one in Theology?

Mon, 2010-09-13 09:06
I want to be amongst the first to congratulate The University of Baltimore for being the third U.S learning establishment to currently offer a class on Zombie culture as part of its English curriculum.

Students learn about the living-dead as part of pop-culture course and we’ll soon see doctorates being presented to excited students in English majoring-in Zombification (a term I came up with, so please all rights reserved)

It’s reasonable and consistent application for higher-leaning-institutions operating-in this contemporary age wanting to still dabble-in near-worthless courses in theology and preach (as opposed to teach) about the worlds best known and most revered fictional zombie, Jesus of Nazareth – why shouldn’t they expand their scope to include the score of modern-day living-dead as part of the English media stream?

The other universities to embrace film & comic zombies are based in Iowa and Illinois.

Whilst some may belittle the three universities involved, at a practical-level an English doctorate majoring in Zombies (a.k.a Zombification) has to be well above mumbo-jumbo like theology on most civilian pecking-orders.

For starters any prospective employer would be well aware that the entire class taking Zombie culture, are intellectually well ahead of their contemporaries across the corridor in theology.

After-all the pop-culture students all know that zombies aren’t real.

Those students don’t feel the need to pray to zombies in their spare time, take off entire mornings in the weekend to joyously engage in sing-songs about the living-dead.

Nor do they embrace the ridiculous premise that zombies can be a magical 'saviour' and act as their gateway to eternal life.

Give me the followers of George Romero any day!

Categories: The Local Blogosphere

Belgium’s Catholic Church exposed as little more than a toddler-fucking pedophile ring

Sat, 2010-09-11 08:47

“There have been some articles that imply that pedophilia is nowhere so little prevalent as in the Church as say other areas of society” (The former Bishop of Bruges, Roger Vangheluwe 19th April 2010)

Harrowing & sickening details of decades of sexual abuse by Roman Catholic clergy in Belgium have been released by Church investigators.

Dubbed The Adriaenssens Report after the chief investigator, Peter Adriaenssen, its pages contain a litany of sadistic treatment - in short -mass child-sex-abuse:

* Child abuse was so extensive that it was going on in almost every diocese and at every Church-run boarding school in Belgium. The investigators were overwhelmed with reports and what they produced was only 'the tip of the iceberg.'

* The priests almost exclusively enjoyed molesting pre-pubescent boys. Assaults on boys usually ended by their 15th year.

* Toddlers were considered ‘fair game’. Girls as young as two were raped.

* The worst of the abuse was in the 60’s and 70’s and its decrease in later decades was only down to fewer priests being involved in the education system.

* The Bishop of Bruges, Roger Vangheluwe, was in on the score. He kept his known abuse closer to home by raping his nephew. The Church tried to bribe the victim’s family to keep them quiet.

* When confronted with overwhelming evidence of this mass-abuse the Church tried to cover it up and Police were forced to break into Church offices to locate records. The Church employed lawyers to fight this seizure and won a case for the raids to be considered illegal – thus successfully burying the true scale of their crimes.

* 13 known victims were so traumatised by their abuse they later committed suicide.

* The Vatican knew what was going-on and left them to it.

How do Catholic apologists respond to facts like this?

By saying these cases were isolated and no worse than the rest of society?

Well that’s the same erroneous and vacuous excuse given by the incestuous pedophile who was in charge of the Church when these crimes against humanity were being perpetrated.

It’s time for society to lance this septic boil once and for-all.

Categories: The Local Blogosphere

Warning: Ignore this “Triangle of Life” Crap

Fri, 2010-09-10 09:00


My name is Doug Copp. I am the Rescue Chief and Disaster Manager of the American Rescue Team International (ARTI), the world's most experienced rescue team. The information in this article will save lives in an earthquake.

This is the start of an e.mail headed 'Earthquake Advice' my household received by well-meaning friends, no less than 6 times, in the wake of the series of earthquakes that have descended (should that be ascended?) on our region of N.Z.

My wife has also helped its viral-spread by sending it to numerous folk in our own address book.

Yet, something about the advice Mr Copp provides in his “Triangle of Life” email didn’t ring true to me, based-on what I had known previously about how to survive an earthquake.

What is loosely called ‘The Duck and Cover Approach’

That’s to say if you are inside during an earthquake get under a sturdy desk, table or bed.

Even to this layman Copps ‘Triangle of Life’ clearly contained dubious & plain stupid stuff like get out of your car in the middle of an earthquake and lay down next to the vehicle as being safer than staying inside and to avoid using door-frames as protection.

It had all the hallmarks of a hoax and on closer inspection my suspicions were proven right.

I simply googled ‘Doug Copps Earthquake’ and was greeted with page after page of rebuttals.

Even Wikipedia had a own page dedicated to exposing Mr Copp’s controversial and mostly dis-proven theories, on how to survive a earthquake.

Go to:

In short anyone who took Copps advice at face-value and employed-it during a major earthquake, shunning the ‘Duck and Cover’ tactics, would be increasing their chances of being injured or killed.

Red Cross have continually lambasted Copps ‘Triangle of Life’ and are sick of having to re-iterate the basics of earth-quake survival in the western-world.

Exploring this subject further Mr Copp himself proved-to-be what could be politely termed ‘a colourful character’ or if one was less charitable ‘a nut-case.’

He was discovered making an erroneous claim to The September 11th Compensation Fund and exposed as an impostor at the Twin-Towers site and told to leave or be arrested.

Nearly every-time there is major earthquake around the globe the ubiquitous Copp turns-up – uninvited – and generally makes a nuisance of himself.

The team alluded to in the name ARTI is more than often just Copp on his lonesome with his own range of life-saving equipment.

Having failed to convince every credible search and rescue organisation on the planet about his ‘theories’ the prolific Copp resorts to self-promotion via gullible media outlets and the internet.

Thus most Cantabrians now have his potentially dangerous theories (in a literal term of the word) residing in their inbox.

Note: If you have received this ‘Triangle of Life’ email what-ever you do IGNORE IT and tell everyone you know “it’s a lot of crap” and revert back to what we were all first taught at school – get under a desk, door-frame etc.
Categories: The Local Blogosphere

Sacrilegious Muslims burn effigies of one of Monty Pythons highest deities!

Thu, 2010-09-09 10:22

This frightening vilification of one of the Python team on the streets of Kabul was in-fact predicted over two decades ago:

Stand staunch Python fans in the face of this desecration of our sacred living-deity.

Remember whenever there are 2 or 3 are in one place, we shall perform the parrot sketch.
Categories: The Local Blogosphere

Just what Canterbury needs right now – a fucking prayer-wheel!

Thu, 2010-09-09 09:32
Let me paint the scene here in Canterbury: some houses still don’t have power, buildings are being demolished, schools closed, police patrol the inner-city to prevent looting and injury, the sleepless population is under stress from on-going after-shocks as high as 6 on the Richter Scale, business’s are closed and struggling to survive.

Faced with a catastrophe of this scale, pray-tell what is New Zealand’s Buddhist Communities solution to Canterbury’s woes?

Well their top-temple up in Auckland is going to spin its giant purpose-built prayer wheel, said to be the worlds largest (wop de fuck) and magically spread ‘calmness’ down to the frazzled peoples of Canterbury.

This is frankly a well-meaning load of cobblers we could do without.

If the Buddhist community wants to genuinely assist Cantabrians I can suggest a more pressing piece of philanthropy that will create more calmness and inner peace than even a prayer-wheel built on the same scale as one of Jupiter’s moons.

Tragically amongst the businesses/buildings damaged in the first quake was New Zealand Breweries operation in Christchurch.

Horror of all horrors imaginable - the pubs in Canterbury are now running dry.

So stop wasting valuable-time spinning that wheel & get your best monks from The Dorje Chang Institute on ‘mercy mission’ down south.

Set them to work repairing our local brewery!

Categories: The Local Blogosphere